:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
