Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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