I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
