You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
