The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
