I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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