there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
