My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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