I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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