ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
