My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
