i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
