a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
