Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
