I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
