I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
