Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
