apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
