If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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