i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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