Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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