how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
