Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
