I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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