the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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