WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
