Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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