didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
