Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
