Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
