i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
