You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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