Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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