I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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