In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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