somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
