I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You are the jesus of drinking
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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