We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
