A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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