Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
