she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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