My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
