you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
