Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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