If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
