So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
