About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i think my cat just said my name.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
