just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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