handjob tips. give me some.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
