apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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